Bye Bye Buxom!

9:24pm: 6 month update??
My, how times flies!

I had my 6 month check up yesterday. Updates!:

- I don't need to wear tape on the under-boob scars that contact with the wire of my bra anymore!

- I had over a dozen spit stitches, which weren't painful, but they did look like fairly aggravated pimples. So the doctor had to take them out, which was painful, but then she just bactribaned and gauzed up that shit, and there's still little red marks left from them, but it looks and feels a lot better.

- Still applying Mederma [mostly] two times a day. So far I've gone through one big tube and two little tubes. The scars are looking great. I'm supposed to keep putting it on as long as the scars are pink.

- Still wearing a sports bra 80% or so I've the time. Nipples up, sides in, bra fabric stretched, double check to make sure the bottoms hit the right place.

- Still swollen, but feeling it a little more than usual the last couple of days (period's probably coming)

- Put on a couple of pounds because I've stopped exercising and haven't been eating as healthy as I did this summer, but I still think I'm eating a little healthier than I used to

- But other than that, looking and feeling great! I can't imagine it any other way!

11:21am: I need to stop getting drunk and talking about my procedure in depth at parties.

11:56pm: Almost ten weeks. Oy vey!
Brief update:

-back from vacation, everything stayed in the right place!

-the Mederma is working wonders. It seems like every time I look in the mirror, my scars have gone down significantly.

-I've successfully slept a few nights without a shelf bra. The first night was kind of eerie and made me feel a little uncomfortable, but by the second I was fine. I've also tried sleeping on my stomach, but the boobs are still a bit stiff so it was too comfortable either. But, back and sidesleeping, braless, is delightful!

-getting sick already of wearing sports bras all the time... so far I found one I like enough. The rules are that they have to be a sports bra with underwire so that's pretty limiting. The one I like is by Donna Karan, which I found to have relatively thinner straps and it looks the least "sports bra-y" under a t-shirt, but I did wear one by Natori for a long time which was also pretty cute, though it didn't really fit me exactly right. Lumiere makes an underwire sports bra that I actually used to wear waaay back in the day, but it's so matronly looking that I can't bear to wear it anymore. And Champion made a pretty good one... except it had massively wide straps that would peak out under anything.

-I bought my first "normal" bras! They actually, get this, have PADDING. Trying them on was a bit of a shock, because now that I'm getting adjusted to myself looking this way, see me with big round pornstar-looking boobs was pretty funny. I first went to a specialty bra store in Canada, mostly French bras and the like, and I got really depressed when the saleslady tried to give me a bra in a 32F. As you might recall, I was wearing a 30G before, so it felt like a big slap. Of course she didn't know, and the French sizes run different I assume, and I still am a little swollen. But an F? Ugh! She also kept saying that I want to look young and perky, which actually made cry, because I am young and perky! I don't know what this woman was trying to do, but those bras were way too expensive for a temporary bra that I only get to wear on special occasions, so to a department store I headed! I ended up buying two pretty cheap bras (still Canadian prices, cha-ching!), a more normal one and, hehe, a push-up bra. I wore the normal one out one night, and it was very comfortable, though I'm still wondering why I did in fact buy a slighted padded bra. I might go buy an actual regular one, or I might wait till I go down to an easier to size cup size... turns out my left breast is still more of a DD while my right is a D. Figures, the slowpoke!

-alright, now that vacation is over, I need to get back into good eating patterns and exercising. I've been really bad at remembering to take my vitamins, and I feel like I've put on weight even though my weight always fluctuates between 123-127 on a given day. I think I just want to feel like I'm being healthy, which in turn somehow makes me feel healthy! And I'm getting really preocuppied with getting my tummy down... not that it's so huge or that I was so concious before, but now I'm wearing snugger t-shirts and I think it's apparent... look at me becoming image obsessed. I guess that happens when you opt to have plastic surgery. ;)

-lastly, moving back to school on Monday! The girls could handle travel, but can they handle moving? Stay tuned for further exploits on My Post-Op Life!

12:34am: 8 week check up.
Sup playas?

Had my 8 week check up today (my next one isn't till Thanksgiving, yikes!) and here's what's the dill:

-No more tape! except over the scars that turned old breasts into new tummy, because that's right where my bra band hits it.

-No more sleeping in camisoles with shelf bras! unless of course I want the support when I sleep, so I'll try going braless tonight for the first night since I had my surgery and we'll see how it goes!

-Begin applying Mederma to scars to reduce their appearance, ideally 3-4 times a day, but realistically, twice.

-Watch out for spitting stitches! My doctor hid a lot of the stitches, so on occasion they'll "spit" and just look like a little pimple around my nipple insicions. They're no biggie, but if they don't go away, and get worse, bactraban it, take an antibiotic, and get back over to the doctor so she can clear it up.

-I can now sleep on my stomach and face the shower when I shower should I feel the need.

-And in biggest (or should I say smallest?) news, I'M OFFICIALLY A D!! WWOOOOOO!!!!. That's right, chicas, I tried on my 34 D today and it fit. Well, technically I had been wearing an ill-fitting 32 DD so I guess it's not that big of a deal, but hey, I look and feel great, so that's all that matters!


In other news, going to Vancouver for a week starting tomorrow. I get to make the new girls international!

10:38am: 5.5 Weeks, Can You Handle It?
-I've graduated from MLD! My massage therapist said I was her A-1 student, and it was a pleasure to work with my young skin and athletic build. Uh... sure!

-My scars are healing SO WELL. They look great!

-I went braless for an hour this morning and it was joyous.

-The 6 week mark is soon, which means I can stop taking alllll those vitamins (though I'm still taking a lot) and I think I can do heavy lifting? Not that I have a whole lot of heavy lifting to do, it's just good to know.

-I'm not sure if my bra fits right, but I'm also not sure if it matters. It's more comfortable than my old boobs!

***

I finally feel like the person I always thought I looked like on the inside is now what I look like on the outside. I mean, I would get dressed and think I would look really pretty, but then look in a passing window and think it looked completely different. Now when I look in a window, it's a pleasant surprise!

8:04am: Month Mark!
Ok, a little past the month mark, but excited nonetheless!

Points of serious topical interest:

-Went to the doctor yesterday and got my stitches out! I thought it was pretty painful, but then again I had my eyes pinched shut and was imagining the worst. Every time I would squirm or yelp she would say "I know, I'm sorry honey" and then keep on trucking. Only took a minute though, and now I have no more nylon blue hairs sticking out of my nipples!

-Learned I've been applying my tape wrong... I've been wearing little pieces of tape in a cute radial pattern around my nipples and down the incisions to under the breasts. I thought they were just there to hold in the stitches?... but really wasn't sure. Wrong! They're there to smooth the scars and help the skin heal together, so when I put the tape around my nipples it has to be pinched a bit, but it lays flats along the incisions so they can smooth. Pretty much, my boobs look like a tape factory exploded.

-Still a DD. That's not too bad, I just want to move down to my D so I can stop worrying about when I'm going to move down to my D. Also learned that I'll be wearing a sports bra for around a year for molding, except for special occasions. That was kind of surprising to learn because I thought I could go back to normal bras after 6 weeks for some reason, but! a year of a sports bra is worth it for a lifetime of molded boobs. And this thing is way more comfy than my old boobs so that's also a-ok with me.

-I haven't been exercising! Boo to me! I need to get on it and off my lazy butt.

-But! I did get a job! So take that. I'm now the assistant stage manager for a play at a local theatre, so a lot of watching and making notes and running to get stuff... no heavy lifting for a few more weeks though, so I've had to tell them that. (Only one person pryed as to why, and I openly told her. "Why? -if you don't mind my asking," she asked. "Uh, because I had really big boobs." It's interesting to me how a lot of people have this stigma with breast reduction or they just don't understand why someone would want one.)

-The skin on my chest is super dry. I stole some intensive repair lotion from the MLD clinic so hopefully it will from now on not... be... so... super dry.

-My doctor told me I can cut my MLD down to once a week or get rid of it all together, depending on how I'm feeling. She said if I don't feel better when I leave than when I came in, I don't really need it. I've never really noticed how I feel before or after I leave... sometimes it's so rough when I'm there that anything feels better after I leave! So she said try to ween myself off it and go once a week, or don't go at all, but if I start to feel puffy and swollen and sore, go back. But always keep up with the self-massage to move things along. I also have a series of stretches I'm supposed to be doing... stretching the arms, the sides... oh and still working on my posture which I actually think is getting a bit better!

-My doctor has been great with follow ups. I saw her twice a weeks for the first two weeks and then one a week for the next two, and the next time I see her is in a month. A whole month! I hope I'm doing everything right... But then I get to go to Vancouver, and test out the new girls internationally.

-Overall I'm feeling great, I just wish more of my friends were around this summer so I could show them off! Every day is like a new me, I get to see how I look in a different shirt or a different outfit and it all looks and feels great. And I can just wake up and get out of bed and go downstairs, no worrying about putting on a sweatshirt or a big uncomfy bra or any of that. Just me. And I can cross my arms which is a simple joy I've never been able to experience! It's so comfortable, like my arms just fit there!

8:20pm: 3 weeks! Post-op!
-Had pleasanter MLD today... went down from 30 minutes to just 15 because my left side is really healing and draining but righty is being a bitch

-Doctor's appt! Major breakthroughs! Check it:

1) No more tank top during the day! I'm healed enough to handle bra-to-skin combat

2) No more bra at night! My doctor told me to wear tank tops with shelf bras, so I bought a couple. They are so low... come just above my nipples. Compared to how much skin that would have been before... the scandal!

3) Still wearing a 32DD, but had it tightened. My nipples are a bit low so I have to keep picking them up during the day so they'll mold up. Just like old times, constantly adjusting myself! I'll probably go down to my D bra within the next few weeks, but my doctor made it pretty clear that I won't go down to my final size for probably a year. And that's ok with me, because I'm feeling pretty great about the size now. I'm a little over the stiffness though...

4) No more arnica gel! Most of the bruising on lefty is gone, but I still have some bruising on my tummy (former beginning point of the breast) so I'm still sucking down all those arnica pellets.

5) Suchres out next week! Some of the blue nylon has started popping out, but I tape those suckers down as needed. They don't know who they're messing with.

- The girls are looking perky and plumpy! They're still a little lumpy on the sides and underneath around the incisions, and they're still a little swollen and puffy, but they really look great. Still a little frankenbooby, but it's getting more comfortable to look at them. My doctor said they look like 8-10 weeks post-op, so for 3 weeks, that's pretty good! The MLD has really helped things move along, even though it's a little pricey ($50 for half an hour, but only $25 for 15 minutes), along with self-massage on the off days. (If you had lipo, just lie down and have someone -or you can probably do it yourself- use their whole hands and make firm circles over the numb, puffy area where you had it, 5 min. on each side, and it'll be a little painful but make your skin feel less like lizard skin and more like people skin. Or do some more web research on MLD and see if it's for you.)

- Lastly, bought more t-shirts. I'm so bad.

2:26pm: Two weeks post-op
Went to the doctor today and check this shit out!!!

-NO MORE PEAS!! WOOO!!!!

-I've graduated to an underwire! I am now in the "sculpting" portion of recovery. I'm still supposed to wear a little boy tank top underneath it just so the underwire doesn't rub up against my insicions... but I'm not wearing one under the bra now and it really doesn't feel that bad.

-Still getting massage therapy and it is getting PAINFUL. The lipo has made my underarms super super sore and stiff. So now my mom is massaging me on the days I don't have therapy, and they're telling me to stretch more... owie.

-CHOCOLATE IS BACK IN MY DIET. I AM ABOUT TO EAT A PIECE OF CAKE CALLED "CHOCOLATE EXPLOSION."

-I can start exercising. I'm going to try to do half an hour on my recombant bike every day... hopefully this will get me showering more which granted takes quite a bit of time but I am smelly and my hair is greasy greasy.

-The bruising and swelling has gone down CONSIDERABLY, though my left breast is still noticeably more bulbous than the right. Ah, just like old times. They really look amazing, I can't believe it.

-So, I am in fact wearing a 32DD right now. Coming down from a G that's really pretty nice. They don't feel heavy or huge and they look 100% proportionate to my body. When the swelling goes down I'll move to a 32D, and that's likely where they'll stay.

-I have to get my tummy down! It looks fine until I eat a big meal, and then I kind of look preggers.

-Rash is gone! It was definitely an allergic reaction to some of those antibiotics, and I was off the steroids practically before I was on them. I've slowly been introducing the vitamins back into my regimen (of which there are plenty). The rash lasted about five days, but I barely noticed it was there.

-Can we talk about how painful my manual lymph drainage (MLD) massage therapy is getting? Oh it's not that bad, and only lasts half an hour, and it's incredibly helpful, but I was kind of hoping they would just put on some Enya and be nice. But the lipo under my arms has made that area really stiff and caused the lymph somethings to stick maybe? and putting pressure on them and massaging them around causes them to break up and move. My skin is almost sticky and lizard-like in that area, and it feels really sore any time any type of pressure is applied to it, but hopefully I'll be back to normal soon!

-My posture SUCKS. On top of years of walking hunched over from all that weight, I've been pinching my shoulders up really high for these past two weeks because I'm so nervous about stretching my chest out. My doctor really made it clear that I have to really concentrate on correcting it, take a deep breath in and really jut my shoulders back. When I do that, magically my back doesn't hurt as much!

-Still no sleeping on my tummy. You sleep with your arms out and you don't want to be in that position all night because your incisions could rip... side sleeping is fine with me!

-I must say, overall I'm feeling really great. My energy is pretty low and I get pooped after being out for more than 4 hours or so, but I haven't been working or doing anything really other than going to doctors appointments, massage therapy, out to eat, and visiting my new nephew :). Speaking of... my boss from the henna place just e-mailed me and said they were over staffed so I was going to have to be let go... which is GREAT NEWS! I hadn't even started working there and already I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be up for drawing on people's bodies in the sun for hours. Unfortunately this now means I have absolutely nothing to do this summer... and much fun as it will be to sit in front of my tv until classes start mid-August I kind of need something small to do. I'm looking at volunteer-work and stuff like that. In the mean time, tv wins...

6:40am: 4 days post-op
Hello ladies! Wanted to report that I am 4 days post-op and feeling GREAT. I've been in minimal pain, and I officially smell like peas from the frozen peas I have to wear under my surgical bra... which sounds like an intense bra, but there is no wire in it. THIS IS MY MIND BEING BLOWN! I'm gross and smelly and haven't showered since Tuesday morning, but I think I'm looking pretty good! The physical therapist I saw yesterday couldn't believe that I had only had my surgery three days before. Also, with my arms stuck at my sides, I'm a bit of a Tyrannosaur, but I'm getting a lot of TV watching done which is a good trade off for resembling a dinosaur. I just have to make sure I move my body SOMEWHAT during the day, so I can try to keep some weight off and stay healthy. I'm still on a bunch of medicine and vitamins, and I still have one drain in which isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Having my mom change my dressing is a bit of a hassle and a little scary because my breasts are so sore, but I just know it will only be for a little while longer! The best advice I can give anyone is LISTEN TO YOUR DOCTOR! Exercise and take your vitamins before your surgery and you will feel so much better after! Now... this might just be the Vicodin talking, and I am awake before 7 in the morning which is ABSURD, but this really hasn't been that bad at all! Ok... time to squat myself back asleep. I have some serious Saturday morning cartoons that need watching. Also, I have a stomach. Who knew?

10:39pm: 1 day post-op
Thanks to everyone who added their comments and support; they were wonderful little messages to get before I went in!

I don't have much to report yet... it's a littler hard to type because my fingers are puffy and my arms are sore (who would have thunk the backspace key is so hard to reach?) but other than that I'm feeling pretty good! Now that might just be the Vicodin talking, but I must say, this whole experience thus far hasn't been nearly as bad as I thought it would.

My day of surgery was just like any other day. I had to wait 20 minutes for my brother to get out of the shower, and then was stuck with cold water! We got to the hopsital, I read a bit while I waited, and then they marked me up ("I never got the chance to play with markers when I was a kid" my surgeon joked) and I met a lot of people who did various things who I don't remember. Then I was wheeled into some room and they asked if I was dizzy and I said no, and they looked at me funny, and then they started bouncing, then they said something about thinking about a dream... then I was in and out of consciousness for a while, having weird dreams and thoughts to myself like "Man, I'm so sick of keeping coming to the doctor's office and only having these consultations-- wait-- I think it's done...." And it was.

Next I remember this friendly man claiming to be my driver stearing my bed to a different room. I was feeling pretty ok... a little loopy but in no pain. There was another man with a bed in the way, and my driver said something like "Fool! Get out the way!" to which the "fool" responded "Oh well for a beautiful girl, anything." At which point I started to cry. But it was one of those awkward laugh/cries that sounds more like a donkey, you know?

So, I ended up staying in the hospital during the night which I wasn't planning to, but it was getting late and we were all pretty lazy, and I was still enjoying the luxury of my catheter, so there we stayed. I came back this morning, and I have just been watching tv and sleeping.

Haven't gotten a good look at the girls yet, still all bandaged up, but tomorrow I get my drains out. I guess I did have more to report. I'll try to post more pictures soon, you know, as soon as I have full use of my arms again.

1:00am: Surgery in 10 hours...
Yikes! Feeling good and prepared! Not much else to say!

5:54pm: I just realized that the glasses I always drink out of have a little anchor on the bottom of them.

I love life.

11:16am: 2 days till surgery.
-Still exercising (almost) an hour a day

-Still doing back exercises, squats, and lunges

-Still eating healthy! Surprise surprise!

-Still no ginger, garlic, ibuprofen-type medicine, or chocolate UGH!

-Still taking a vitamin regimen of Esther-C, Bromalean, Multi-Vitamin, something with a P (I'll have to look these names up... I definitely butchered them). All I know is, four vitamins with breakfast, one between meals, and three with dinner. I've actually remembered to take all of them!

-Today I'm adding Arnica Montana, five pellets three times a day. Not sure what for. Will report back on that.

-Today begins no salty food till surgery (since I'll be pumped with fluids, if I have a lot of salt in me, I'll blow up like a balloon after surgery and will hold 10 pounds in water my surgeoun tells me!)

-Feeling good... I think finally feeling ready to have it so I can start recovering

-The LJ breastreduction community has been the BEST to make me feel prepared

-Speaking of, feeling prepared for the WORST, so hopefully it won't be as bad as I think :)

-Today I'm going to clean my room and maybe do a pre-op photoshoot

-Oh yes, and add a ton of movies to my Netflix so they can get here in time

12:03am: Preparation and Retalk.
Like I've said before, I've technically been "preparing" for this since I was 16, but I haven't truly been preparing for it until last summer.

Last summer I decided that, whatever, let's do it. And I've been mentally preparing myself since then, thinking about how good I'll look in shirts and how light my front will be. I had another consultation with my plastic surgeon in January, and this was when things started getting serious. She said I had to be exercising for half an hour every day, taking my vitamins, and eating nutritiously. Now, these I understand are basics for pretty much everyone in regular life, but I'm the type of person who has seriously been neglecting these things. I've gotten by with a fairly thin body for all the junk I eat and lack of exercise I do, with the exception of the boobs and a slightly bulbous tummy. But, right away I started walking on a treadmill for 25-30 minutes a day, taking my vitamins, and vaguely modifying my diet.

At the retalk, she said an hour of exercise a day plus exercises to strengthen my back and quads (so I can stand up like pie without having to use my arms), no chocolate, ginger, garlic, or menstrual cramp relief products (so seriously, don't try to slip my any midol in some gift brownies), my vitamins have been pumped up to colossal amounts, and I'm trying my best to eat 5 small meals with emphasis on protein and carbs.

At the retalk we also discussed desired size, and I said I wanted to go down to about a C, and she let me know that it isn't about a letter or a number, but rather the proportion to your body. A 30C is a 32B is a 34A... and that was just too tiny I guess. She said she matches the breasts to what your body looks like on the day you come into surgery, and since I have this protruding tummy, she wants to keep my breasts a little bigger so I don't look pregnant. Or something. I believe her. So looks like I'm going to approximately a 30D or 32C which I think is ok. I think I need to accept that I'll still have kind of big boobs, but they'll just be that much more comfortable. My body doesn't lend itself to B's. It will just be a relief to have them lighter, and who knows, maybe they will wind up the perfect size I want. She said, "Don't send me any freak out e-mails within the next couple of months of 'oh they're still big!' because in two years, the girls who have sent me these kinds of e-mails always e-mail me back with 'oh, now they're fine.'"

So! No freaking out! I'll still have my curvacious '50s body which is nice. And it's going to be weird emotionally either way that my breasts are now lacking parts of them that they used to have, so maybe it's better that it won't be such a drastic change as I had previously thought. Like when I told a boyfriend of mine a couple of years ago that I was thinking of having a breast reduction, he said, "Wait, you're getting rid of them entirely?"



And that's that. I've bought my post-op sports bras in a 32D/DD depending on what fits, and the sizing is supposed to be bigger due to the swelling. I have yet to buy the little boy wife beaters I'll be living in as a second skin so the underwire of the bra doesn't irritate me. I also have yet to fill my prescriptions of Vicodin, Percocet, and a series of other drugs that will turn my parents' house into an extremely profitable pharmacy. But I have started thinking about the day of surgery and afterwards: shower the night before and morning of, make sure I have someone to help me do everything for that first night and day, pin my arms to my sides so I don't move them too much, and make sure I don't drive while medicated. Sounds easy enough. I'm still pretty nervous about it, but I'm feeling better about it. But soon, it will all be done... and then onwards!

Allow me to end this post with my 17-year-old brother's response to my surgery.

"I don't get it. Why would you want to have it?"

Pff. Boys.

11:07pm: The Prequel.
I think the first time I was aware of having bigger boobs than the other little girls was when I was 11, when the never-too-young-to-be-sassy Amy Evans said to me when I walked into my fourth-grade classroom one morning,

"Dang girl, how you get them boobs so big?"

And, when you're a little kid something like that is totally not weird, so I responded matter-of-factly,

"I rub them."

Which I oddly enough did. Well I should have quit rubbing them after a while, because I was a C-cup by the time I was 12, a DD by the time I was 16, and a G now at 20. And my back size is somewhere between 30 and 32. Heavy!

When I was 16 or 17 I had my first breast reduction consultation.

I stood uncomfortable and topless in the cold room with only me and the female doctor. This was the first time I had ever been topless, in bright light, in front of anyone. The doctor said she was going to test my nipples for sensitivity (oof, even typing this is making them perk), and as I stood there, awkward and overdeveloped, with a middle aged woman crouched in front of me poking my nipples with a needle, I started to feel very thirsty.

“Um… I’m going to need a uh… a glass of water… if that’s alright…”

“OH MY GOD, QUICK LIE DOWN WITH YOUR LEGS ABOVE YOUR HEAD.”

No, this isn’t another lesbian encounter to mimic my college exploits. I quickly did what she told me, and felt a little better.

“You were hyperventilating! You almost fainted there. Your face was stark white! Hah hah!”

Hah. Yes. Joke’s on me. She then proceeded to take a picture of me for the insurance company, holding an identifying number sign like a mug shot, once in front of my boobs and once above.

Now, here's the thing about my boobs. They are big. Really big. Always have been. It's something I've centered pretty much every moment in my life around. Where they are in relation to other people, how much of them you can see in a given shirt, etc. etc. So the thing that's always gotten me about having big boobs is, girls with big boobs get made fun of a lot. I mean, I get your fair share of taunts. (My first day of high school, I’ll never forget it, two seniors walked past me in the hall and one of them said, “Look at them jugs!”) If I choose to wear an especially snug shirt one day, I need to realize that people can't help but dart their eyes down once every five seconds during conversation. But women with big boobs are the center of much mockery. They're the playboy bunnies, the JAPpy Northshore girls who wear Gucci to their Bat Mitzvahs. It’s funny to most people when these women love their boobs, and love to show them, and love to have sex with them. But when they’re a little too big, a little too obviously uncomfortable, I think the jokes die down. Like as men who try to affirm their heterosexuality by being hyper-macho but end up appearing as a gay stereotype, my boobs overshoot this whole excessive femininity thing and appear matronly. The Matron is the most masculine you can get. I mean, it was a common role for the most obviously manly of the men in Shakespeare's time to play right? Think about any large, foreign, nurse-type woman or character.

It’s no wonder that the first time I truly identified with a literary character was when I read Ken Kesey’s description of Nurse Ratchet in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, with a bosom so inappropriately big she was embarrassed by it.

So, I've been thinking about this surgery for four or so years, and have done the Uncomfortably Heavy Boobs Thing for maybe close to six years. Oof, the time scale from pubescence to young adulthood is so tiny, isn't it? When I look back at this and see "six years" it will seem like nothing. But, that's another reason why now is the perfect time to do this. Just think, six years from now, when I'm 26, I'll have had average sized, comfortable boobs, with healed scars, and bras and shirts that fit perfectly that require no adjusting during the day, for six years. The sooner I have it, the sooner I can adjust, the sooner I can live the rest of my life without this curved back that can't sit up by the end of some days, the red rings from rough underwire, the itchy indentations in my shoulders, and the image issues that sometimes creep up on my where every shirt I try on makes me upset. I can't put it off any longer, and if I did wait another year, another two years, another six, my back and everything else would just get worse. I've looked for a perfect bra, or at least a better bra, and it doesn't exist.

No more crying during bra shopping.

I'm only 20 and I'm making the biggest change in my life. But in being only 20, I have the rest of my life to be comfortable and without regret.